Why the change hasn’t happened yet?
Hi Everyone,
Joe the therapist here, and time for another blog. As per usual I like to keep them short, sweet, and as applicable as it can be.
In today’s blog, I wanted to talk about the importance of being okay with understanding that things take time. Of course you might be saying, Gee no crap we know this, but wait!
This truly is important but not just to know well of course the things we want take time, but to know why they do take time. Knowing why something does take time, keeps us less frustrated, and allows to focus on the results we have gotten, and knowing that while we may have not gotten the results we exactly want yet, there is change. This allows us to appreciate the change we do see, keep up the behavior that is resulting in that change, and at the same time knowing, “Hey this is why things aren’t where they are yet, and that is okay!”
Understanding why things are not what you want them to be: Some Examples
Let’s get into some examples:
Ask yourself: Why have I not dropped that 10-15 pounds? Why am I still upset or not happy with where I am physically?
It will take time!! Ask yourself Why are you still frustrated?
Perhaps you are a man, who is continuously tired of his wife being rude, nasty, and fuck it, a bitch.
Well gentleman, perhaps we truly do try to do better, and if you are doing so and doing your best, awesome!
But why is your wife still a bitch? Why is she still short tempered, snooty or just not fun? Because quite frankly it took time for her to start to show up this way, BASED on YOUR Behavior! Based on how you showed up in your marriage or relationship
The Reason WHY she hasn’t immediately responded to your change in behavior is simple…It takes time for her to feel that change. Once she does feel it, she will do better.
Understanding the WHY is so important, as it allows you to see the little change that has occurred, and encourage you to keep going. At the same time, the emotions you feel toward your wife (let’s say anger, or annoyed), might not necessarily change YET, but at least maybe, just maybe the temperature of those emotions is a little bit lower.
Let’s use another example: Getting in shape
Why haven’t I gotten back to that ideal weight of 180 pounds (Here’s a personal example)?
Well let’s see it is going take time for me to repeatedly think about it and focus on it, more time for me to get in the habit of being in the gym from 5am to 6:30am. It is going to take time for me to get disciplined with my diet again (ground turkey, oatmeal, spinach).
However are there changes? Yes!! So I know why I am not in the shape I’m in, simple I did not get out that desired weight overnight, and over time, three to six months, I will get back there.
Putting a Pin in it!
No I do not mean a literal pin, I am I am just trying to wrap things up here. When you find yourself frustrated, annoyed, with why things are not where you want them to be, just ask yourself well why aren’t they? Why is my wife still a bitch? Simple it took time for her to become one, (based on how you showed up), and it’s going to take time for her to be the complete opposite.
Why am I still not in the shape I want to be in? Simple: It took time for you to get out of shape, focus on it, think about going back to the gym, being precise about your diet, more disciplined, and getting back into the habit. Keep going, your thinking about it, it’s on your mind, your taking some action, just do it, fine-tune your approach and keep going. Don’t get frustrated, ask why, figure it out, and keep going!
